What has been...

Over the past year and a half I have learned many life lessons. Some have been quite difficult others not so hard. If I were to try and sum up in a sentence or two what the past 16 months of my life has taught me, it would probably go something like this...

Don't try to imagine or figure out what God might do neither be surprised when He does what He has promised. Just be faithful in the light and in the step God has given and He will surely lead you up the staircase.

Time and time again as God opened the doors and made it very clear to me that I was to go on a short-term mission trip to Naomi's Village last July, I would be 'wowed' by the clarity with which He guided me. After I returned from the two week trip I began to pray about serving on a two month internship at Naomi's. This was not an overnight process nor something that happened in a few weeks time. No, it was something that tested my devotion to God and my resolve to do His will whatever the outcome.

When I found out in October that I was going to be able to go back to Kenya I was thrilled for the opportunity, and amazed at how God was so graciously allowing me to serve Him in this way. I was humbled yet again with the clearness in which God was leading me. One day while I was preparing to leave for Kenya, I began to wonder why I'm amazed and surprised by the way God often works. It was as if God was saying to me, "Why are you overwhelmed at times by my faithfulness and goodness to my children? Why does it amaze you that I do what I have promised?" As I thought on this I truly felt convicted by my lack of trust in our Good Good Father. He has promised to give us the desires of our heart when our delight is in Him. He has promised to act when we commit our ways to Him. And "no good thing does He withhold from them who walk uprightly."

For the most part it seemed to be one open door after another. Several weeks before I left to come back to America in March, I was already making plans to return to Kenya for four months this summer. My heart was delighted by the opportunity to come back to the place and people I love so much. I was praising God for another open door. But these plans got redirected the week before I was to fly back home. The door that had looked to be wide open seemed to close right in my face. God often gives a seemingly closed door to grade our faithfulness to Him. Faithfulness to anything besides Jesus Christ will result in a lower test score. What was my score going to be?

Trusting God where I can't see nor understand His plan has often been a deliberate choice that I would like to say I've always made but honesty requires me to say I've failed at times. The weeks ensuing my return to America have been filled with emotions that I've not experienced before, emotions that I didn't know what to do with, emotions that weighed me down until one day I realized I was never meant to carry them. I was being more faithful to my emotions and ideas rather than being faithful to my Jesus who is the only One strong enough to carry this weight. I began to see in a new way that God often gives us emotions, feelings, and desires just so we might give them all back to Him as an offering. The freedom I felt as this reality begin to dawn on me was beautiful, but it did not, has not removed the longings or feelings that I find inside. 

So now I'm sort of back to where I started, not trying to imagine what God has next but believing His promises are true and He will continue what He has started. One thing I can say though is that through the opened and closed doors God is good, He is faithful, and His love is steadfast. His ways are higher, His plans are better, and He sees far beyond what my eyes try to see. In the mist between what has been and what will be my heart sings out...

"...I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!" 

March 14th dawned bright and clear. It was the final day of the nine week internship I was serving at Naomi's Village. There were a variety of emotions as I got ready for the day that morning. Heartbreak and happiness were probably the strongest. Heartbroken because it just plain hurts to separate from those who have become such a part of your life, yet happy because in 28 hours I was going to be back with those who have always been apart of my life.

I was trying not to think about the parting that loomed in the very near future though. I still had several hours to play with, hold, and love on the kiddos as well as time to visit with the aunties and uncles, so I decided to live to the hilt every moment until it was time to leave. Little did I know that God planned to give me a gift that I could carry back with me, although not in a tangible way. 

Before I left for Kenya in January, I asked God if it was possible could I be apart of witnessing the hope that begins when a child belongs. I arrived at Naomi's Village on January 13th and for nine blissful weeks I had the great privilege of experiencing the hope that continues after a child belongs. To hear first hand what life was like for many of these boys and girls before they came to Naomi's and then to play, sing, dance, laugh, and pray with them on a daily basis, this was a beautiful peep into hope that begins when they do belong. I was so blessed as each day passed I somewhat forgot about the request I had made. But Someone who never forgets and who delights to give good gifts remembered all long the humble prayer I had made and at the perfect time granted this request.

The morning passed quickly and by 2:00 it was time for the toddlers to take their nap. While they napped us four interns sat on the floor and chatted.  Excited voices and overjoyed laughing down stairs broke through our conversations, so I peaked out the window to see what was going on. Within a few short minutes we discover what all the excitement was about -a baby was coming home! It wasn't long before Bob, Julie, a few staff members and two of us interns, Allison and I, piled into the land cruiser and off we went to Navaisha General Hospital. As we drove along, we discussed what this little girl that was already so loved should be named. By way of blessing a couple of there long-time staff members, Bob and Julie wanted to somehow use the names Anne and Mary. After putting the names together from all sides it was decided that this precious baby girl would be named, Annemarie. 

Upon arriving at the hospital we discovered facts that threatened to finish breaking my already broken heart. At a week old this baby girl was found by an elderly man wrapped in paper bags and left in a trash pit. As if this was not enough, the little one also suffered from pneumonia due to the cooler weather conditions and lack of appropriate care. After a few more questions were answered the group of seven eagerly made it's way to the neonatal unit of the hospital. We were guided through the dozen of other babies and moms to the corner where 'Baby Unknown', as her wrist bracelet read, was waiting to be loved, and held, and cuddled, and named. Baby Unknown was waiting to belong!

While the paper work for the baby's release was being completed, Flo quickly reached into her bag and pulled out the onesie and pink sleeper she had hurriedly grabbed before we left Namoi's. I looked over and almost gasped, "Flo!" I exclaimed, "I brought that outfit with me when I came in January." As if that wasn't enough, Flo held up the onesie which had been worn by one of the previous babies and it was monogrammed with the name Hannah on the front. We all looked at each other in disbelief, astonished at the visibility of God's hand in that moment. God's grace seemed so abundant and overflowing that Annemarie's middle name was fittingly chosen to be Neema (Name-uh) which means "grace" in Kiswahili. This adored little girl now bore both mine and Allison's middle names -Grace and Marie. To say that these details were not arranged by divine providence is to not give God glory for what He delights to do for His children.    

Back at Naomi's Village everyone was thrust into celebration mode as they prepared for the arrival of this new baby girl. A bed was being made, cake was being thought about, and her 65 brothers and sisters couldn't wait to drench their new little sister with love. As we pulled up and opened the doors the drums started beating and each voice was lifted in a song of joyful praise because one more unknown child now belonged. The group of jubilant aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, housekeepers, kitchen helpers, and interns slowly crossed the short distance to the dining hall. As Annemarie's story of redemption was told to eager listeners I could not keep back tears of joy that baby unknown was now known, wanted, and richly loved, and God had allowed me to be a witness to it all.

While Allison and I waited to board the flight that would take us back to America we tried to grasp what had taken place a couple hours before. All I could do was thank God for doing exceeding, abundantly above all that I had asked or thought. He does not forget or over look the simplest of requests but He delights to give His children good gifts in His perfect timing. Even if that is only hours before it looks like it won't happen.


As they say in Kenya... God is good all the time, all the time God is good and that is His nature, wow!