Broken Pieces

Overwhelmed. Helpless. Drained. These were some of the emotions that seemed to fill my mind as last week drew to a close. It was a week filled with more home visits and student documentation.

As I sat in several students homes, visiting with their mothers, I felt like the same story was on repeat.

"We are struggling to make ends meet."

"This or that family member is sick."

"My husband hustles for work but often doesn't find any."

"I'm trying to support my family by selling vegetables, but business is slow."

These stories and struggles were like broken pieces of bricks, bricks that began to accumulate making for a heavy load to carry. As the pile increased so did the idea that I needed to make something out of all these broken pieces, that I needed to find a way to fix all the hurt. The mental weight of this notion threatened to crush me. But just before I was completely overcome, I felt Someone tap me on the shoulder, whispering softly in my ear.

"I haven't ask you to change things. I haven't told you to repair the broken or bind up the hurt. I didn't even suggest that you try to find the answer to every question. I actually just invited you to be. To be present and love, to be present and witness how I take your broken pieces of glass and their broken pieces of glass, and remake the window so that I can shine through. Remember, you cannot change the world, only Jesus can do that."

And just like a sunrise that chases away the night, the truths that I had let fade into the dark burst through bringing life back into my vertical airway. As I began to breathe the fresh air of His grace, new energy to be faithful in the moment surged through my heart. As my mind cleared, the truth that

I am not authorized to repair broken windows; I'm only commissioned to tell about the Glazier

freed the self-imposed weight from my hands. I was then able to place the broken pieces where they belong -at the feet of Jesus.

It was after I emptied my hands of this load that I could raise them to sing,

There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus,
No not one! No not one!
None else could heal all our soul's diseases,
No not one! No not one!

Jesus knows all about our struggles,
He will guide until the day is done;
There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus,
No not one! No not one!

"They have no wine."

I imagine the scene to look something like this.

They had gone to a wedding in Cana, Jesus, his mother, and his disciples. Everything was going as planned. The ceremony started without a hitch. The preacher didn't stumble over his words, the singer sang beautifully, it was almost too perfect of a day. At the reception, the tables were heaped with mouthwatering food. All the guest had a glass of tasty wine in hand, and they all stood in groups of three or more catching up and having a happy time. Right when the mother of the bride breathed a sigh of relief that this wedding would go down as defectless, the wedding coordinator hurries up to frantically informs her that there is no more wine. Mary, Jesus' mother, is standing very nearby and watches as the bride's mom, and wedding coordinator wring their hands as to how this embarrassing situation should be solved.  

Because Mary is a woman who ponders things in her heart, she quietly excuses herself from the group and walks to where her son is standing. Considering that she had watched her son's actions since birth, she wasn't sure what he would do, but Mary was rather sure that Jesus would have the answer to the "no wine" problem. Without any ado, she calmly, certainly, and candidly stated the fact, leaving the solution to him. She said, 

"They have no wine."

Today, I found myself stating the same words, but the scene was much different.

We, two Kenyan friends and I, were seated in a 10x10 room that is home to a family of five dear souls. This single room serves as kitchen, dining room, living room, bedroom, and whatever other room is needed for daily life. The mother was the only one home at the time, and she wasn't even in the house as we walked up. She was sitting just around the corner tending her vegetable stand hoping to make a few honest shilling so her family can eat, and her children can attend school. With the oldest child married, it makes things a bit easier but she still needs to provide for her other three children who are still in school -the youngest one attending Brilliant Sharping Community School. 

After we greeted each other and were seated on a couple of chairs, we explained the reason for our visit, and she related a glimpse of the hard that meets her when she awakes in the morning, troubles her all day through, and causes tears as she lies down at night. Although I couldn't understand first hand as she communicated pieces of her heart's grief, with the help of friends, I began to grasp what she was saying, and my heart broke for this loving mother. 

With injustice as commonplace, silence as the forced choice of communication, and poverty as the result of these both, all my heart could do was run to Jesus and calmly, certainly, and candidly state the fact,

They have no wine.

Those four words don't miraculously change the distressing situation this mother and so many other families in the Lunga Lunga slums finds themselves in, but those words allow entrance for Jesus to be Jesus. Honesty unlocks heaven. Because when we find our jars empty, our resources spent, our funds drained, our family crumbling, our problems beyond what we can solve, our only hope is Jesus. But Jesus can only be Savior, Redeemer, Provider, Sustainer, Friend when I, when we admit that we need him to be this for us. Jesus doesn't just know the answer or have the solution,

Jesus IS the answer and solution!

From Arkansas to Kenya -Part 1

Maybe you’ve known me from when all I could do was smile or cry to communicate what I was feeling. Maybe we’ve meet in more recent years when I could adequately express my feelings. Or I guess perhaps I may have not yet had the privilege of meeting you. Whatever the case, maybe you've wondered how I went from peeking over the grill ledge (those of you who saw me doing this know what I'm talking about.), to cooking steaks and selling lawn mower parts, to going to Kenya. 

Well, I will try my best to answer that question, but it’s hard to answer a question I sometimes ask myself.

“And just how did I get here again?!?” 

Although I will relate a bit of the chain of events from the past year and a half, I can boil it all down to one simple yet significant word…

GOD!

My journey to Kenya all started one autumn evening in 2014 when my mom showed me an article about a children’s home in Maai Mahui, Kenya. She knew that I wanted to sponsor a child, so she suggested I check out this organization. With a heart that loves Africa, it didn’t take me and google long to find Naomi’s Village Children’s Home located right outside the town of Maai Mahui, Kenya. At the time it was home to 57 desperate orphans. My heart broke as I look at the innocent faces that had endured unimaginable horror in their brief lifetime. The sweet, bright face of a little girl especially caught my attention, but since I was already planning to sponsor through another organization, I finished looking at the photos and reading their stories, then I closed my computer. God didn’t close His computer, though.

Several weeks passed, and we had celebrated the New Year. 2015 held adventures that were soon to unfold at a crazy pace. The months to come would begin to teach me that

God is weaving everything in life so that when we relate the happenings we can't leave Him out.

However, I just couldn't seem to lose the thought that the adorable face and winsome smile that had caught my heart was to be "my" little girl. Because I hadn't started sponsoring another child yet, I decided to make T "mine." To spare you the interchanging details of everything, T was no longer in need of a sponsor. I was a bit saddened but decided to pray and see what God would do. After checking back several different time and having no success, I chose to sponsor a little fellow that promptly stole my heart. Little did I know that six months later I would be giving these babies hugs and oh so much love -not to mention parts of my heart. (And I'll add that about a month after beginning to sponsor R, T became available, and so I just did the natural thing -sponsored her too.)

After much prayer and God being the God he is, July 11th, 2015 I boarded a flight that would take a team of 17 passionate, kind hearts to serve at a place few of us had been to before -Naomi's Village Children Home in Maai Mahui, Kenya. I honestly couldn't imagine all that this trip would do for me, but I knew it was what God wanted, so I stepped out. Naomi's Village will always hold a special place in my heart because it's the place that helped me lose my heart to Kenya.

During our ten day, eye-opening, often heartbreaking journey, we were able to visit a few different ministries in the Maai Mahui/Nairobi area. Although each outreach we were privileged to visit changed my world view a bit more, one flipped my world upside-down -or should I say right side up!? The day our team visited Wells of Joy Ministries in the Lunga Lunga slums in Nairobi is a day I still have a hard time finding words to describe. One thing I knew for sure that day, and I feel stronger ever day, is that doing nothing about what I had/have seen, touched, walked among, is NOT an option.

I don't think I will even try to detail out all the emotions that one is subject to go through after walking among immense poverty and suffering, and then being immersed in a culture of excess and comfort. Sufficient to say, prayer, process, and patience categorized the weeks following my return home. But even in the hard, I knew God was working beyond what I could see. And as the weeks turned into months, God steadfastly made it clear that going back to Kenya is what the beginning of 2016 would hold. Before I knew it, I was planning to serve on an internship at Naomi's Village. But even as I prepared for this next adventure, Wells of Joy was not far from mind and heart.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord."